Special Agents at Work
by IndeMaat
Summary: Sometimes in the world of fiction things go wrong, very wrong. At times like that Protectors of the Plot Continuum are sent in. These are the adventures of two such agents.
1. Time Difference

_A/N: Sometimes in the world of fiction things go wrong, very wrong. At times like that Protectors of the Plot Continuum are sent in. These are the adventures of two such agents stationed in the fandom of _MacGyver_.  
Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. The story _Time Difference_ was written by DreamWvr73._

-oOo-

A hotel in London, England. At night. A portal opened and two people stepped through. A motion detector detected their movement and switched on the light in the hall way.

"Room 312. We're in the right place."

"Our target is approaching."

From the staircase a tall, slender figure, wearing a ski mask over his head, came towards them. The other two walked in his direction and met the figure halfway.

"Halt! We'd like to have a word."

"I'm sorry?"

"We're agents Allison and Steve. We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum." The agents showed their badges. "We'd like to have a word."

"If you would like to have a seat here, Mr. Starling," Steve gently pushed the masked figure towards a sofa.

"How do you know my name?"

"We know everything, Mr. Starling," Allison replied and pulled off his ski mask. It revealed a blond head of hair and a handsome face.

"Why are you here?"

Starling looked at the blond woman and the dark haired man standing before him. "If you know everything, shouldn't you know that too?" he asked defiantly.

"There, there now, Mr. Starling. No need to get sarcastic." Allison gave him a friendly smile.

"We just like to know what you think you should be doing here."

"I, er, I have come to steal a necklace."

"Why would you do a thing like that?"

"It's in the story?"

"Yes, but is it in your heart?" Steve asked.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, you're a museum curator, or something like that, aren't you? You and your boss nicked some war artifacts that the museum had on loan from the Phoenix Foundation, but is that the same as a necklace?"

"Theft is theft."

"Don't be silly," Allison said. "Purposefully misplacing a few artifacts from the museum where you're working is quite another thing than breaking into someone's hotel room to steal a necklace. You don't even know anything about this necklace."

"The French want it."

Allison rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm very much aware that if the French want something the English reflex is to think they can't have it."

"What my partner is going at is this: all you know is that the necklace is worth about a million dollars, and that it has historical value. You haven't seen it; you don't even know if it really exists. The Americans could have lied to you."

"And is breaking in really your sort of thing? Wouldn't you rather keep your hands clean? Steal from a place where you are less likely to get caught?" Allison pointed towards the door of room 312. "There's someone asleep in there. And someone else hiding in the bathroom."

Starling looked surprised. "There are two people?"

"Yes, didn't you know? They are sharing." Allison cocked her head. Something else had just occured to her. "How did you know what room Gillian was in?"

Starling opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn't have an answer to that question.

"That's all right. We're getting too far from the issue at hand," Steve said. "We think it is not like you to sneak into a room and steal a necklace at gun point. You're not a bank robber."

"It does seem rather barbaric."

"Quite," Allison agreed.

"But what can I do? It says in the story that I should grab her by the hair and force her to give me the necklace."

"Just walk away."

"What?"

"Just walk away," Steve said. "Burglary and armed robbery are not your thing. Just walk away, and stick to what you know: stealing from publicly funded museums."

"Can I do that?"

"Hey, we're Protectors of the Plot Continuum. If we say something can be done in a story, it can be done."

Starling nodded. "Okay, I guess you're right. I should just go home. I never felt comfortable with this anyway." He got up. "Thank you very much for this little chat. And thank you for your advice." He shook hands with both agents and then headed for the staircase.

Steve and Allison watched him go.

"That went smoothly," Allison commented.

"Yes, it did. I'm glad we didn't have to restrain him. I guess he was in doubt about his task himself. He was a smart guy, educated." Steve nodded in the memory. He took a small device from his pocket. It showed a green light. "Questionable Character Motivation fixed. Time to go home for us too."

"Right." Allison pulled the remote activator from her pocket and opened a portal that lead the two agents back to PPC Headquarters where they could type up their report on this mission and relax before they got their next mission.

-oOo-

_A/N: Perhaps a little clarification. In the story_ Time Difference _ by DreamWvr73 MacGyver and a colleague, Gillian, find out a museum curator has stolen ten historical artifacts that belong to the Phoenix Foundation. They think of a plan to catch a thief: they make the curator believe they have in their possession a valuable necklace. They put a tracer in a fake necklace and wait for the thief to walk into their trap. Which he does.  
I believe this is out of character behavior for a museum curator, even if he is a thief. Stealing from a museum - which in his case is like stealing office supplies - is quite another thing than breaking into a hotel room to steal a necklace at gun point. So I sent in two PPC agents to save this original character from OOCness. _


	2. Kelly Meets MacGyver

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics from _Kelly Meets MacGyver_ by Macpw2._

-oOo-

Allison kicked around the dry leaves. Fall was by far her favorite season, on the condition that it wasn't raining, just for one reason: dry leaves. She loved the sound of leaves crackling underneath her feet. She bent down to pick up an arm full of leaves and threw them up to let them rain down on her.

"Could you stop playing around?" Steve, her partner, asked. "We have work to do here."

"Sure." Allison walked up to him, enjoying every crack along the way. "What have we got here?"

"Self-insert."

"And let me guess: she is going to exert herself."

"You guessed it. She was watching an episode of MacGyver and was suddenly pulled into her TV."

"I have never heard of anything that ridiculous. What's wrong with using a portal to get into a fic? Like we do."

"From what I've heard people get sucked into their TVs all the time in LotR and PotC."

"I have a feeling PPC should be hiring TV-repair men rather than Sue-assassins."

"Sssh, it's starting."

Allison gave him an indignant look. "As if she can hear me from this distance."

"It's not just her I'm worried about. I've never been in a fic before that claimed MacGyver was a TV show. Perhaps all the characters can hear us now."

"That would not be good." Allison had just picked up on the fact that the episode the girl inserted herself in was _Stricktly Business_, meaning there was at least one hitman about. She looked around; they were in the forest a good distance away from the road, the cabins and the mine. She was now a bit sad with all the dry leaves around; this meant she probably couldn't quietly sneak up on anyone.

Steve nudged her to pay attention to the Words.

"_I'm Kelly, and I saw you on TV," she said as she gazed at the window. "Wow! This is a weird dream. It even has correct facts."_

"That's not so strange," Steve whispered. "It's impossible to have false facts, even in dreams."

"Unless you are Humpty Dumpty," Allison replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"To us facts are per definition true. For Humpty Dumpty words mean whatever he wants them to mean. To him the word fact could mean upholstery. If Humpty Dumpty was in that car he could have been remarking that even the upholstery was the way it should be."

"Are you liking this Self-Insert to Humpty Dumpty?"

"Well, they both have big inflated heads."

Steve chuckled. In the distance they heard the sound of a rocket being launched and making impact.

"Quick. We might be able to catch up with the Self-Insert down the hill." The PPC agents started running.

The girl and MacGyver were both thrown over the guard rail by the force of the explosion. They rolled down the hill separately.

_Kelly swallowed hard, she turned around and crawled softly through the underbrush. Her head was throbbing and her whole body felt like one giant bruise. She was still crawling, but she now stopped for a rest. She looked over her shoulder at the forest. Nothing, nothing at all, she let out a sigh of relief. Had she lost Murdoc? She doubted that, but she felt it safe to stand. She slowly struggled to her wobbly legs. She walked slowly sometimes using trees for support. There was a rustle behind her and she turned around to staring into the face of Murdoc. Her breath caught in her throat._

"Blast."

The two agents each crouched down behind a tree and watched Murdoc talk to the girl.

"We can't get her if Murdoc has her," Steve summarized their most pressing problem.

"What is he doing with her anyway? Shouldn't he just be going after MacGyver?" Allison wanted to close her eyes when she saw Murdoc grabbing the girl.

"I think he's just great at improvising."

_His hand momentarily dropped from her mouth and felt for a spot on her neck. He pressed hard and Kelly felt unconsciousness stealing over her. She went limp in Murdoc's arms._

"Hmm. The girl is Humpty Dumpty and Murdoc is part Vulcan. The girl claims MacGyver is a TV show and yet she writes a crossover fic."

"And the MacGyver-Star Trek combination has been done before."

Allison and Steve followed Murdoc who dragged the unconscious girl behind him. Steve pointed out to Allison that sometimes it was good Self-Inserts made canon characters do silly things. If Murdoc had carried the girl over his shoulder in a fireman's carry he would have been a lot quicker, a lot less noisy and a lot harder to follow. Now, the two agents just had to keep out of sight in case Murdoc looked around. They did not have to make much of an effort not to be heard. Murdoc took the girl to the abandoned mine where the episode was supposed to climax.

_He carried Kelly into the mine shaft and tied her to one of the support beams. He tied her hands and feet tightly and gagged her, before leaving._

After Murdoc had left and the agents had made sure he was both outside seeing and hearing range, they snuck into the mine shaft, looking for the girl. It did not take them long to find her. She was propped up against one of the support beams, her hands tied together and to the beam above her head. Also her feet were tied to the beam. The agents looked at each other.

"I guess we have to untie her." Steve was the first to speak.

He took his Swiss Army Knife from his pocket and flicked it open. He started cutting at the rope around the girl's arms while Allison steadied the body so she wouldn't suddenly fall forward. After he freeed her hands Steve started cutting the ropes at her feet. The girl was leaning against Allison's shoulder. She moaned as she woke up. She started to struggle when she noticed two strangers holding her.

"Easy there." Allison lowered the girl to the ground and sat down on her chest. Steve sat down on her legs.

"Who are you? What are you doing in _Stricktly Business_? Are you working for Murdoc?" the girl asked when she managed to undo the gag from her mouth.

"We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We have come to take you home." Allison tried on a friendly smile.

"Home, why?" The girl made grimaces and her breaths were short and hasty.

"We have noticed that your presence here has had an unsavory effect on the story. For some reason MacGyver doesn't have amnesia."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. MacGyver loosing his memory was the whole point to this story. It was the reason Murdoc could get so close to him. Because Mac was unwitting. Therefore we need to take you out of this story."

"Are you sure you're not working for Murdoc? You sound like him."

Steve chuckled. "Everyone gets a little long-windy sometimes."

Allison narrowed her eyes. "Unlike Murdoc, I **always** get my man. Girl in this case." She made a fist and hit the girl on her head.

Still suffering all the injuries she had sustained earlier the girl lost consciousness again. Allison and Steve got up, and picked up the girl. Steve opened up a portal.

-oOo-

"Kelly!" Samantha rushed from the sofa when a man with a military hair style and a sandy-blond woman, both dressed in black, out of no where stepped into her living room. They were carrying her sister as if she was a role of carpet.

"Not to worry," the man said. "We're just here to return your sister. There is nothing to worry about."

"But my sister? Is she unconscious? How did this happen?" Samantha watched the two strangers put her sister on the sofa and prop a pillow behind her head. "She's wounded? Does she need a doctor."

"In our experience her wounds will disappear in about 43 minutes."

"Probably less," the woman added. "She was already a good ten minutes into the episode before she got hurt."

"What? Episode? You mean to say it really was Kelly I saw there on TV? I just thought I was dreaming. Suddenly Kelly was gone from the sofa and into the TV."

"Yes, we are aware of that problem. We will have to take your TV, though. Just to make sure things like this will not happen again," the man said.

"Sure, I understand." Samantha crouched down by her sister. "Is there anything I can do to make her feel better?" she asked the man and woman as they carried her TV to their door.

"Never let her watch _Stricktly Business_ again," the woman replied.

"Deal!"

The man and woman stepped through their door and it disappeared without a trace.

-oOo-

_A/N: _Kelly Meets MacGyver_ had one major flaw: an important canon occurrence (in this case MacGyver loosing his memory) was erased from canon plot. Possibly this could have worked, but because the story hasn't been updated in over a year, it was impossible to tell, and I thought it best to take Kelly back home._


	3. Mac's New Partner

_A/N: How Steve and Allison met. Protectors of the Plot Continuum was created by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _Mac's New Partner_ by jasonstoneface in italics._

-oOo-

"Please state the nature of your medical emergency." The doctor appeared a few feet behind Steve Holmes and spooked him.

Steve spun around and ran a hand through his red hair. "Geez, you spooked me. Could you not do that?"

"I'm an EMH. I do not spook. Unless I talked in a spooky voice. Wooh, wooh, please, state the nature of your medical emergency, wooh." The doctor tried on a ghostly voice.

Steve raised an eye-brow.

"You're right. It doesn't work." The doctor spoke in his own voice again. "Please, state the nature of your medical emergency."

"Well, it's uh ..."

"And could you get on with it. I haven't got all day."

The sudden outburst of the usually mild-mannered doctor spooked Steve again, and he quickly stated his business. "It's my partner. Ever since we went into this fic ... it was horrific. MacGyver went into a convenience store and bought some champagne. She just snapped. All she does now is sit in a corner, her hands around her knees rocking back and forth, mumbling anti-alcohol slogans."

"And what do you think caused this state of shock?"

"MacGyver and alcohol?" Steve asked as if it was self-evident.

To the Doctor it apparently wasn't. He had to ask. "So?"

"MacGyver doesn't drink alcohol. Ever. Shouldn't you know this? You're a computer program. Don't you carry all knowledge of all canon in your memory banks."

The Doctor looked hurt. "I don't, but since you were kind enough to point out my deficiency I will see to it that it gets sorted out immediately. EMH out."

"Woah, woah, wait up. What about my partner?"

"She's in shock. There's not much I can do about that. She has to snap out of it on her own. You can leave her here and I will regularly check her vital signs. If you'll excuse me now; I have to update my memory banks."

The Doctor disappeared leaving Steve alone in the medical bay. Well, not entirely alone: his partner, Tessa, sat on the floor near one of the exam beds rocking slowly back and forth muttering "don't drink and drive. Don't drink and drive."

Steve sighed. "Bye Tessa. I'll miss you." He turned around and walked away, back to his response center.

-oOo-

Steve put the large cardboard box in the middle of the room and started packing up the things that belonged to his partner. His former partner. There was a 65 risk that a PPC agent snapped on the job, and the ones that did never recovered. He should put in an application for a new partner, although he didn't seriously want to risk the life of another human being going Sue hunting in MacGyver. He thought back what it had done to Tessa, and she was a seasoned agent. He shuddered.

There was a knock on the door. Steve looked around. A young woman, dirty blond, medium height, stood in the door and give him a challenging look.

"You Steve Holmes?"

"Yeah?"

"Agent Allison. I specialize in 80s TV-series, apparently. I'm your new partner."

"Already? I just dropped my old one off at the medical bay."

"I guess Upstairs is getting more efficient."

"I'd say."

"No, you don't. They were just looking for a place to off-load me. Your partner going bonkers was a godsend to them." Allison came in. "Why is your office baby-blue?"

"That's the color Tessa painted it. She thought it would be more pleasant than the usual gray scheme."

"Smart thinking." Allison flopped down on the sofa. "Good sofa."

"Uh, thanks. Uh, if you're gonna be my new partner, aren't traveling kind of light?" Steve had noted that Allison had not been carrying any luggage. "Or is all your stuff coming in later?"

"I don't intend to stay."

"Then why are you here?"

"A little misunderstanding over some intimacies with canon." Allison waved it away. She folded her hands together behind her head and leaned back.

Steve nodded knowingly. Intimacies with canon were rarely a misunderstanding. It usually meant the PPC-agent had stopped lusting after a canon character from afar. The usually course of action was to remove the agent from the fandom -- often by force -- and putting them on a brain washer course, also known as the No Drool Videos. He considered Allison lucky that she could remember why she was removed from her fandom. He said as much to Allison.

She frowned at him. "With personnel shortages the way they are? Don't believe everything you hear in the cafeteria. The food sometimes makes people hallucinate." She sat up and scooted over. "No, they just send you to a different fandom where they think you can't do any damage." Allison chuckled. "Guess they don't know me very well." She stretched out on the sofa and got comfortable.

The console saw this as its cue to let out a loud beep. Allison immediately flew to her feet and stood to attention. Steve raised an eye-brow.

"Well, they do make you repeat Basic Training until you cry." Allison tried to shake off the military rigidness and get a more loose stance. "What have we got?"

Steve walked over to the console and tapped a few keys. "A new partner for Mac."

"What a coincidence: you get a new partner and so does he."

Steve grinned and opened up a portal to the Phoenix Foundation building where Pete Thornton had his office.

-oOo-

The two Protectors of the Plot Continuum agents sat down on the desk of Pete's secretary. The secretary herself was missing, but instead on her chair stood a loudspeaker. Steve frowned at it at first, but figured it would explain the disembodied secretary's voice halfway down the first page. He turned around and joined Allison in sitting with crossed arms and a scowl. MacGyver walked passed them without taking notice.

_He had a mullet of blond hair and a smile that would make a woman's heart melt._

Steve glanced to his right at his partner who stoically stared past him at the door to Pete's office. She didn't ignore him for long.

"Don't look at me like that." She tried to shrug off his stare. "I'm not going to jump MacGyver. Not unless I had a pair of scissors to cut off that mullet."

"Okay, keep partner away from scissors." Steve made a mental note. Despite her overt hostility he decided to try and get to know his partner a little better. It would still be a while before the Sue showed up. "So, that accent of yours, is it real?"

"Why would I talk with a fake accent?"

"We're in MacGyver and you sound like Murdoc. I was just wondering."

"You were wondering about whether there was actually more than one British person in the World?" Allison squinted an eye and gave her partner a good look. "Well, I've got news for you: I've got Murdoc's accent, and I also have got his temper."

"Not really something I wanted to know about my new partner."

Allison just smiled wickedly and turned her attention to the Words.

Pete was just informing MacGyver on his new partner when the woman in question appeared from thin air before the door of Pete's office and knocked. Both agents dove behind the desk and peered over it cautiously hoping she hadn't spotted them. She appeared not to have noticed. Pete invited her to come in.

_The door opened and in stepped a short brunette, standing about 5'8"._

"Five eight is not short!" Allison exclaimed the moment the door closed behind the woman.

"Little sensitive about your own lack of height?" Steve asked.

Allison glared at him. "I'm not short."

"Uh-huh."

"At least I'm an inch and a half taller than the average North-American woman. You are only an inch taller than the average North-American man. Relatively speaking I am taller than you are."

Steve opened and closed his mouth. The indisputable logic of statistics always left him dumb founded.

"_It's Pete. Leslie Kendall, I presume?"_

"_Yes, sir. I'm here for the interview over the troubleshooter position."_

"Oh, this's gotta be good," Steve said. "In job interviews they always ask after the strong points and the points that need improvement. I wonder what a Sue thinks are her points of improvement."

"_Yes," said Pete. "Judging from your resume and qualifications, you seem fit for the job. Can you work well under pressure and think fast?"_

"Troubleshooters need the same qualifications as PPC-agents," Allison noted.

"Well, we're troubleshooters too," Steve replied with a wicked grin. "Literally."

"_You pass the field certification tests next week, you get the job. On behalf of the Phoenix Foundation, I unofficially welcome you aboard." He smiled as he and Leslie shook hands._

"That's it? He asks her one question and she gets hired?"

"She still has to pass the field test."

Allison glared at her partner.

"Which she will pass," he hasted to add. "But you're right. My job interview for the PPC was longer."

"You had a job interview? I always thought that they had lifted me off my bed in the middle of the night and thrown me into Basic Training."

Steve chuckled at that image and returned his attention to the Words. The Words to the story they had entered a few minutes earlier lit up paragraph by paragraph in the distance, only visible to non-story entities, such as PPC-agents. The Sue spoke:

_"Oh, would it be alright for me to use your phone? I need to call myself a cab."_

"_Be my guest," said Pete as he handed her the receiver. "By the way, where do you live if you don't mind me asking?"_

"Is it customary in the US to apply for jobs and not to put a home address on your letter? Where would they send the rejection letter?"

"I can think of a whole bunch of reasons she wouldn't put her home address: she has a post office box; she applied by phone; she ... Okay, I can only think of two reasons."

Allison patted her partner on his shoulder. "You got two. I think that's a very good start. I'm very proud of you. Three more missions and you will be annoying the socks off of your partner with constantly rationalizing fics." She chuckled when Steve glared at her, and got up.

It turned out the Sue lived near the marina and Mac offered her a ride.

_MacGyver reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, tossed them in the air, and caught them. "Alright then, let's go."_

"Hold tight!" Steve threw himself across the desk.

"What?" Allison turned around to ask him. The next moment she got knocked in the back of the head by a tree. "Oh that." It quickly dawned on her that she had arrived at MacGyver Land via a short cut, a so called time rift, and that, once again, she would have the bruises to show for it. "Don't you have an FLF?" she shouted at Steve the moment he stepped through the portal.

"A what?"

"A Fic Location Follower. It has a setting that you don't get hit in the head by a tree when an author forgets to use a scene break."

"Never heard of it." Steve shrugged and shook his head.

"I'm in _MacGyver_ and I don't have any nifty gadgets. What's wrong with that?"

"I have a gum wrapper, a paper clip and some lint in my pocket, you could probably make your own FLF. After all, this is _MacGyver_."

Allison jumped for her partner's throat and knocked him over. They rolled over the under turf, both struggling to get on top. After four minutes Steve finally managed to pin Allison down.

"Look at the Words," he panted out of breath from the struggle. He tried to wipe the sweat of his forehead on his sleeve without letting go of Allison.

The Sue and Mac were evaluating her field tests.

"_Actually," said MacGyver after swallowing a mouthful of spaghetti, "you've done better than most of the men who've endured this place. Even me."_

The agents looked at each other.

"Sue." They said in unison.

Steve scrambled up and extended a hand to Allison. She got to her feet, but Steve immediately pinned her to a tree.

"What?" She tried to push him away. She stopped when she noticed the world starting to spin around her: another time rift.

"Throw in some duct tape and a light bulb and I'll give make-shifting my own FLF a try," she said pushing Steve away once the world had come to a stop. "And don't think I didn't notice you trying to cop a feel."

"Sorry, it was stronger than me." Steve brushed some leaves from his hair from their earlier struggle and readjusted the leather case he carried as a backpack.

"Where abouts in the story are we?" It was dark and Allison had trouble finding the characters.

"It's night," Steve said.

Allison closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She never would have thought she would end up in a partnership where she would be the smart one.

"The Sue's asleep and Mac is having improper thoughts about her." Steve turned Allison's head towards the Words.

_MacGyver kept staring at her from his bed. Not only was she beautiful, she had the will to do anything she wanted. But was he really developing feelings for her? Even if he was, should he open up to her? No. He couldn't. He had lost so many girlfriends over the years that he wasn't sure he could bear to lose another. No, instead, he'd love her from afar. Where she wouldn't get hurt. It hurt MacGyver to do this, but he had to, he thought._

"Forgoing for a moment that he is having rather strong feelings about a woman he has known all but five hours what makes him think he can protect her by loving her from afar?"

"Who knows what goes through a man's mind once a Sue starts messing with it," Steve replied. "Shouldn't you know this? I thought you were an experienced agent. Or do you only have experience in Basic Training?"

"Careful what you say there. Any method that can take out a Sue can take out a partner."

Steve gulped and quickly changed the subject. "So, MacGyver afraid of commitment, do you believe it?"

"I have no thoughts on the matter."

"I don't. Well, I don't believe he's afraid of commitment because so many people died on him. I think he doesn't want to commit because he gets all these beautiful women thrown his way. I wouldn't want to commit to any one woman if I had Mac's fine selection, would you?"

"If beautiful women were thrown my way I'd duck. And now that I mention ducking, shouldn't we be moving on?"

"Oh, yeah, right." Steve retrieved the remote activator and opened up a portal.

-oOo-

MacGyver and the Sue were called into Pete's office. Allison and Steve sat down on the desk again, and followed the conversation in the office via the Words.

"_There's been an incident in Paris. Several shipments of chemical products have been reported missing for the last five days alone. Since then, seventeen deaths have been reported."_

"_Seventeen deaths in five days?" asked Leslie. "But why? And with what?"_

"I would be asking the same if in a town like Paris only seventeen people had died in five days. What had kept the rest of them alive?" Steve asked.

"Perhaps he means Paris, Texas. In which case seventeen deaths in a week is a very high death toll."

"Of course he means Paris, France. A Sue wouldn't pass up an opportunity to go to romantic Paris, France, with MacGyver."

"What makes you think Paris, Texas isn't romantic?"

"I've lived there."

Thus ending their discussion the agents returned to reading the Words. Pete explained why the Phoenix Foundation was called in for assistance:

_"The police believe that perhaps the stolen chemicals may have been used to kill those seventeen people. All of them are either police officers or members of their families."_

"Seventeen dead police officers in five days would have disrupted public life in the whole of France," Allison said. "I think this Sue has no sense of perspective."

"Does a Sue ever?"

"That's a rhetorical question, isn't it?"

Steve frowned lightly at his partner. "I think we should move on already if we don't want to get caught in another time rift."

"That's another rhetorical question, isn't it?" Allison got up and followed Steve through the portal.

-oOo-

"Where are we?" Allison shivered and rubbed her arms. There was a cold wind and she was just wearing a T-shirt.

"Airport."

"This is not what an airport looks like." Allison said. "Airports have roofs, and walls, and baggage claims and other passengers." As she spoke a roof appeared over their heads, walls were erected around them, a baggage claim carousel started its run a few yards away and people gathered around it to reclaim their luggage. Steve looked around in amazement. "They are not a slab of concrete in a muddy field." Gone were all the props.

"What did you just do? First you create an airport and then you take it away. What kind of sadist are you?"

"It's not that I'm actually enjoying this, you know."

"How did you do it any way?"

"If an author neglects to mention something we have to make it up ourselves. And this one didn't bother to look up at which airport one would arrive at if one flew from the US to Paris. It's probably Charles de Gaulle. So, we can have at least a roof over our heads." The roof, glass walls and tiled floors returned. "For as long as it lasts."

Steve frowned at that comment, then he quickly followed Allison following Mac and the Sue.

Mac and the Sue soon met up with two French police officers. Allison and Steve watched them from a safe distance. Canon characters are not able to see PPC agents, original characters, however, are. PPC agents are well advised to stay out of OCs' ways until they have gathered up enough charges, or things could turn nasty.

"_I'm Officer Bon," said the older cop in a French accent. "This is my partner Officer Leer. You must be ze two agents from ze Phoenix Foundation."_

"Oh, please." Allison rolled her eyes. "What's wrong with that bit of dialogue?"

"Uh? The French accent is not consistent? It should have been: Zis is my partner?" Steve tried.

"What's wrong is that French people don't speak English, ever. They don't speak English to Brits and they most certainly don't speak English to Americans. I think they're still a little sore we had to come in and save their collective bums in '44."

"So, they'd rather be speaking German?"

"If the Nazis had ever tried to pass that as a law the occupation of France had ended three days later. French people speak French."

"Actually, so does MacGyver."

"Yes, we could have been spared this mangling of the English language to make a point."

_"Any idea what types of chemicals were taken."_

_Bon answered, "Ze chemicals taken are used in making cosmetics. But other than that, we have absolutely no leads on ze killers."_

"Of course they have any idea." Allison balled her fists. "The French are bloody bureaucrats. The criminals probably had to submit their plans to steal the chemicals in three fold."

"What I don't get is why these criminals would first go through the trouble of stealing chemicals, and then devising some way to kill people with that. Wouldn't a drive-by shooting just be easier?"

"Of course it would be. But you don't call in MacGyver to sort out a drive-by shooting."

"True." Steve nodded. "This Sue has at least some idea of what kind of thing gets Mac's attention."

Allison gave her partner an odd look and then started cleaning out her ears. She thought she might have heard wrong.

_"Unless we can find ze killers and fast, we may have to postpone ze policeman's ball Friday night."_

"Yet, she shows no grasp of how the French would respond to such a situation." Allison used Steve's shirt sleeve to clean her fingers on. He stepped away from her and gave her a disgusted look. "Let's consider for a moment that the seventeen deaths had not caused the French to declare a state of alert of some sort. Then the policemen's ball would have been canceled out of consideration for the victims and their families."

"Mac's in shock it's still going on too." Steve nodded at the face Mac was making. "Though it seems he's worried about even more victims."

"_Policeman's ball?" asked MacGyver. "You mean, all the city's cops and families would be there, under one roof?" Bon and Leer nodded._

"_Just their wives or dates, actually," said Leer._

Allison blinked. "Apparently the French Police does not employ female officers who are married. My knowledge of French Police particularities is not large enough to know whether to slap a citation for sexism on the Sue or on the French."

"Just slap it on the Sue to be on the safe side," Steve suggested. "Unless the police does employ married women, but none of them bought any tickets because they want to spend the night with their kids, or they all had duty that night, or all the married women are married to women."

"The French are not that liberal."

"_We know that Thornton arranged to reserve a hotel for you. This is ze address. Unpack your things and meet us at ze station in two hours."_

"I do know one thing about the French, though, aside from everything I had mentioned already: if they are courteous enough to meet you at the airport, they are courteous enough to take you to your hotel. They already had to get out of the way to come to the airport."

"We charge the Sue with not portraying the French very well. Do you suppose she had an ulterior motive?"

"An ulterior motive? The Sue didn't do research. What could be ulterior about that?"

"Maybe the Sue just wanted to portray the French as inconsiderate dumb-asses?"

Allison snorted. "That doesn't require a lot of fabricating. While these two go find their luggage, I charge the Sue with allowing two cops past customs, could you open the portal to their hotel?"

"Sure."

-oOo-

The hotel was as non-descript as the airport had been. It didn't take the agents long to find Mac and the Sue as all the walls were transparent.

_The two Phoenix employees shared a room together. _

"Why?" Allison wailed. "Is budget so tight that Phoenix couldn't even spring for two rooms any more? Surely, if the French ask for their help they can send the French the bill?"

"At least there are two beds."

"Okay, let's get one thing straight about rationalizing fics." Allison grabbed Steve by the collar of his shirt and forced him to stoop down till their noses were nearly touching. "I've been falsely accused and removed from my favorite fandom. I had to spend two months in Basic Training, and was forced to watch the No Drool Videos. I have a very short fuse. Do not put a lighter near it." She let go off him.

He straightened out his collar and rubbed his neck. "Are you sure you are fit for this job?" Steve asked a little worried. He had already lost one partner, having to deliver a second one at sick bay a few days later was not a nice future outlook.

"I can string two coherent sentences together. That means I'm fit for the job."

Steve nodded. He made a mental note to write a memo to personnel about more rigid testing of field agents. For everyone's safety.

While the Sue did some chemical tests on cosmetics she had bought, and Allison banged her head against a wall mumbling about French bureaucrats who write up what chemicals go missing and people with PhDs in chemistry who should know how to read those documents, Steve watched Mac make a phone call to Pete and asked him to cross reference all the French police officers with imprisoned mob bosses. Undoubtedly Pete's contacts in the DXS had kept better tabs on the French police than the French police themselves. Steve also wanted to start banging his head against one of the transparent walls. Instead he decided to pull his partner away from the wall before she got herself seriously hurt.

_Once MacGyver hung up the phone, Leslie looked over her shoulder with a smirk. "I take it he's cranky when woken up like that?"_

"_Yeah." MacGyver returned the smirk. "Look, I'm gonna go get something to eat. Does pizza sound alright?"_

"And this is why the French hate Americans," Allison said with a smirk. She delicately rubbed the sore spot on her forehead. "I'm a little peckish myself. When do we eat?"

Steve scanned the Words. "There may be some food at that policemen's ball."

"I can't wait for that."

"You could try to imagine this hotel has a kitchen."

"Good idea."

"I was only joking."

"Too late."

A little bell announced that the elevator had arrived. A waiter came out pushing a trolley. He stopped before the two agents and lifted the lid revealing a plate of food.

"Steak au poivre."

Allison started to mouth water. She grinned widely.

"I don't think so," Steve said.

The waiter and the food disappeared. Allison gave Steve an evil glare.

"We have work to do," he said matter-of-factly.

"I work better on a full stomach."

"You should have thought of that before we left." Steve said. He threw Allison a cautious look and fumbled for the remote activator. He opened up a portal before Allison could jump for his throat again.

-oOo-

In his haste to get a portal open Steve had forward too far into the story, as Allison pointed out with pleasure, they had missed out on the part where Mac and the Sue left their hotel room via the balcony because poison gas was coming into their room through the ventilation system. Steve replied they could go back and investigate whether it was actually possible to only pump gas into one room through a central ventilation system.

"Never mind. I see an opportunity to put this one to bed early."

_As MacGyver was being questioned by some officers, Leslie stood a short distance away and waited._

Allison walked up to her. "Excusez, Mademoiselle Kendall? Voulez vous suivre notre." Allison tried to address the Sue in her best secondary school French.

"Excuse me?" the Sue replied in a strong Southern twang.

"Ah, follow us, please. We'd like to ask you some questions." Allison tried on a French accent.

Allison lead the Sue to a side room and pointed her to a chair she could sit. She held the door open so Steve could get in too.

"It's eerie how much you sound like Murdoc," he whispered in her ear in passing.

"Right." Allison closed the door. The Sue gave her a surprised look due to the sudden change in accent. "Leslie Kendall, we are gathered here today to charge you."

"Charge me?"

"Steve, read her her charges."

"Me? I thought you were writing her up."

"Have you seen me hold a pencil?"

"Have you seen me hold a pencil?" Steve echoed.

"Could anyone tell me what's going on here?"

Allison turned around. She gave the Sue her best, yet most disconcerting smile. "We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We go into stories and sort out the bad elements. And you," she pointed at the Sue, "are a bad element."

"A bad element? What do you mean?" The Sue's eyes darted from one agent to the other. She looked frightened. Just the way the agents liked it.

"A bad element because you have a one question job interview with Pete; a bad element because you live near the marina so MacGyver can give you a ride home; a bad element because MacGyver quickly develops deep feelings for you which he is afraid to explore."

"MacGyver isn't afraid of commitment," Steve added. "And even if he was, you are not going to be the one to cure him of it."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Steve, there are still some charges to list. Let's see." Allison ran down her mental check list. "Further we charge you with MacGyver admitting that you did better in MacGyver Land than he did. Do you even know why it is called MacGyver Land? We charge you with bad guys that make no sense. We charge you with not knowing anything about the French or how things are done in France. We charge you with suggesting that the French police is not an equal opportunities employer. We charge you with sleeping in the same room as MacGyver; as if the Phoenix Foundation couldn't spring for two rooms. We charge you with going for take-out pizza when staying at a hotel. In short, we charge you with being a Mary Sue. Any last words?"

"Last words?" The Sue looked anxiously at Steve who was preparing a crossbow.

"Last words, anything you want us to remember you by. Though, I should remind you that we don't want to remember you."

"I -- I don't understand. I ... ow."

The Sue didn't finish what she was saying. Steve had shot a poisoned arrow in her shoulder. The poison quickly took effect and the Sue sagged in her seat. Steve walked over and pulled the arrow from her shoulder. He cleaned it and returned it to the quiver in the side pocket of his cargo pants. He handed Allison the remote activator before he picked up the Sue and slung her over his shoulder.

"Those were words I'd like to remember," he grinned at Allison. "Time for the incinerator."

Allison opened a portal.

-oOo-

_A/N: At some points I thought this was a rather mild Sue, but I can't quite put my finger on it why I thought that. Biggest problems in this story: bad portrayal of the French, and bad idea for bad guys. MacGyver's bad guys are usually not over the top, and most are to some degree practical: trying to kill the entire police force of Paris to have a crime spree is both over the top and impractical._


	4. And Here Are The Things You Must Forget

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. _And Here Are The Things You Must Forget_ was written by The Light of the Shadows._

-oOo-

"Aargh." Steve pulled on his thick blond curls.

Allison who was doing push-ups on the floor looked up. "What's the matter this time?"

"What's with all these authors and them wanting to make MacGyver drink?"

"Well, it is Fan **Fiction**." Allison seated herself on the floor. "Fiction, you know, made up stuff."

"Aargh," Steve yelled again. "Don't give me that. It's **Fan** Fiction. And people that make MacGyver drink alcohol voluntarily are obviously not fans. How come people can remember Mac doesn't use guns, but they never seem to get their heads around to the fact that he doesn't drink? For Pete's sake. He took a balloon ride with a woman; she drank champagne to celebrate and he eat strawberries."

"Well," Allison shrugged. "Everyone knows you shouldn't drink and drive."

"It was a balloon ride! Up in the air. Not much other traffic there to collide with."

"I doubt that would have made a difference to Mac." Allison rolled her head around to loosen up the muscles in her neck. "So are we going into this fic?"

"Of course. You'll like it there. Murdoc's Mac's drinking buddy."

"What?"

Before Steve could blink Allison had flown up and thrown herself at the console. Frantically she read the 155 words that made up the fic. "Murdoc and Mac getting drunk. Together. What will come next: Al Gore buying a Hummer?"

"It's shocking, isn't it?"

Allison ignored her partner. "We're going in." She tapped a few keys on the console and a portal opened.

-oOo-

The agents stepped into a room that was of undefined size. There were no doors, other than the portal, no windows, and, actually, there weren't any walls either. In the middle sat MacGyver cross-legged. Murdoc was lying a few feet away from him, propped up on an elbow, lurking from a beer bottle. Empty beer bottles were strewn around them.

"Look, more people." MacGyver pointed in the general direction of the two agents.

Murdoc looked around. "Welcome, friends, Romans."

Both MacGyver and Murdoc thought this comment very funny and started to laugh.

"Great," Steve sighed. "These guys are so far out of character they can see us."

"Join us for a drink, why don't you?" Murdoc called.

"I don't drink while I'm on the job," Allison replied.

"A-ha. And what is your job?"

"I'm an assassin."

"So am I." Murdoc put a hand to his chest. He seemed to have forgotten this was the hand that held him propped up and consequently he fell over. He pushed himself up again. "Maybe we can swap war stories later."

"Maybe. First we got to get you sobered up."

"Hey," MacGyver said. "How come all you assassins are British?"

"We're not," Steve replied. "I'm not. And I think the two of them just talk in funny accents to throw you off track."

This remark gave Murdoc a laughing fit. He fell to the floor and spilled beer over his jacket. Steve and Allison looked at each other.

"I think we need to give them strong, black coffee intravenously," Steve said.

"You don't know much about alcohol, do you? Alcohol dehydrates the brain and so does coffee. Coffee is a good idea if you want to give them a hangover they will remember for a while."

"I guess we should give them water then."

"Water, vitamin B6, and something to eat."

MacGyver and Murdoc frowned as suddenly a plate of food appeared in between them.

"Dig in," Allison said. "It's all vegetarian."

MacGyver gave her a suspicious look. "That's what he said to me once. I'm not going to fall for the same trick twice."

"Good point." Steve nodded. "Dig in or we're going to strap you to a chair and force feed you."

MacGyver and Murdoc exchanged looks again. "Well," Murdoc said. "I have to admit I am a little peckish." He took a slice of pizza of the plate and started eating.

MacGyver watched him eat and did not take a slice himself until Murdoc had finished his and was licking off his fingers without having fallen ill or dead.

"And drink your water."

"I much rather wash the pizza away with some beer."

"Water!"

Allison started gathering up the beer bottles. She gave the bottles a disgusted look: bottled piss with a little ethanol mixed in. Mac wasn't even given the opportunity to get drunk on something that actually was drinkable. "And why were you drinking?" she fired her question at Mac. "Did he hold a gun to your head?"

"Uh." Mac swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I don't know. Don't remember."

"Memory loss?" Allison asked Steve.

"Could be alcohol induced, or simply because that part of the story that explains why on Earth Mac would be drinking in the first place was never written."

Murdoc and MacGyver ate their pizza and drank their water while the two agents stood looking over them. They swallowed the vitamin B tablets Allison gave them and after a while they seemed to sober up.

"Who is he?" Steve asked Murdoc pointing at MacGyver.

"My arch nemesis."

"Same question for you." Steve looked at MacGyver.

"Same answer for you," Mac replied.

"And do the two of you socialize?" Allison asked.

"Of course not, I can't trust him."

Murdoc half shrugged. "That's fair enough. I do want to kill him."

"Right, now everyone is back to normal." Steve glanced over at Murdoc. "Or to their old selves again at least. It's time to part. You go that way." He pointed to his right for Mac. "And you go that way."

Murdoc looked over his shoulder. "There's nothing there."

"What would you like there to be there?"

"Florida." Murdoc said after a moment's thought.

"The State? It's there. Take ten steps and you're at Disney World."

Mac chuckled. Murdoc glared at him. Mac quickly straightened out his face.

"Guess Minnesota is just ten steps that way?" He pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

"If you want it to be, it's there," Allison said.

MacGyver and Murdoc both got up. Eying each other they slowly backed away in opposite directions. Murdoc was the first to turn around and run away. MacGyver and the two agents watched him go.

"Minnesota that-a way, ha?"

"Yep." Both agents nodded.

"I think this is very strange."

"Just let that be a lesson to you that you shouldn't drink," Steve said.

"Lesson taken." Mac turned around and ran into the woods.

Steve fumbled for the remote activator to open a portal for the agents to return to their office.

-oOo-

_A/N: And let that be a lesson to all of you.  
I agree that Mac and Murdoc are a lot a like in some ways, and that had they met under different circumstances they could even have been friends. I don't agree that Mac would drink alcohol, unless in a story that is noticeably designated as AU._


	5. Macthology

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _Macthology_ by Courtney Sloan. This mission was chronicled by IndeMaat_

-oOo-

"I'm starting to take a liking to _MacGyver_ fandom," Allison said. "Never a dull moment. Lots of variety in missions."

"Be careful what you wish for," Steve warned.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

"There you have it already."

"I thought saying 'like' would throw the Ironic Overpowers off." Allison tried to relax her muscles. The beep from the console still made her jump to attention.

"You do understand the ironic part of Ironic Overpowers, don't you?"

"I just got a renewed appreciation for them," Allison replied. "What have we got?"

"A Sue for a change. MacGyver's adopted daughter."

"Let me guess: raising a daughter didn't change his lifestyle much."

"No, not much. It seems to have changed his personality though."

"That's Sues for you. Let's go in."

-oOo-

Inside the story the two agents found themselves in what looked most like a hangar. From the ceiling hung a film screen and text was rolling up on it.

"What's this?" Allison asked. "This is like reading the Words, but a little easier on the eyes."

Steve shrugged. "I've never seen it before. At least not on a mission. I've seen it in movies where they quickly wanted to establish the backstory."

"Perhaps that's what's going on here too." Allison sat down on one of the fold out chairs that stood in front of the screen. "Might as well make the most of it."

Steve sat down next to her.

The text on the screen told of MacGyver's older brother who married young and died four-and-a-half years later leaving behind a wife and daughter. The wife, indicated as selfish and shallow, didn't like having a child and rather lived in France. She pendeled the both of them between New York and Paris until she received a marriage proposal from a French national. The man did not think her daughter was part of the package deal and the wife thought of a place to dump her daughter. That's when she called MacGyver. To the right of the agents a spotlight lit up and showed Mac sitting on his couch with a phone to his ear.

_When Mac heard that Yvette wanted him to take Amy he refused. No, he said. His work put anyone closely tied to him at risk, he said._

"No, he'd say: she's your kid, Yvette, not some pet you try to find a good home for when the boyfriend turns out to be allergic to cat hair," Allison prompted.

_"If you don't take her, she goes to a foster home," said Yvette._

"Again, kids are not pets. Kids don't go to foster homes because their parents don't want to take care of them."

"No, they get send to boarding schools."

"Yes, whatever happened to boarding schools?"

"This Marcel probably doesn't want to pay for that."

"Why did he propose marriage to a woman with a child if he did not want that child? Does he think kids are pets too?"

"I don't know, but it would explain why the two of them are a good match."

_He would have loved to have Amy for a daughter, but he realized that his work could put her in real danger. But what choice was Yvette giving him?_

"If MacGyver had had a kid -- he'd known about," Allison quickly added after a look from Steve. "He would have gone and looked for a less dangerous job. That simple. MacGyver is not his job."

"Agreed. Mac is the kind of person that would act in the best interest of his kid. Even if he loves his job and his apartment, for the sake of the kid he would quit them both. He'd find another job and move to a safe neighbourhood with good schools."

"Provide a stable environment for the kid."

"Exactly."

_"You're sure you want to do this. Abandon your child. For God's sake, Yvette, you're her mother."_

_She snapped back, "Don't you get on your high horse with me, Mac. I don't need a lecture from anyone, least of all from you. Will you take her or won't you?"_

"What's here gripe with Mac? What's he done that doesn't make him entitled to lecture her on responsibility?"

"I don't know." Allison looked over the Words. "Doesn't say. Perhaps it's because he has never settled down and taken responsibility for a family?"

"And yet, she wants to leave her kid with him. Priceless."

Mac finally agreed to take care of the Sue-daughter if the mother gave up her parental rights. The mother quickly agreed.

The spotlight extinguished. The agents turned their attention back to the screen where the text had started rolling again. They were stunned to find that the whole adoption procedure took less than a week. That Friday Mac met Yvette and the Sue at the airport, they went to court to sign the papers and then Mac had gained a daughter.

"Seriously, I think it took more time to get my granny's car signed over in my name."

"Well, kids aren't cars either."

_Amy and her stepfather were a good pair. MacGyver's lifestyle was not really changed by his new family man status, but he tried to be with Amy as much as possible._

"Wrong!" both agents shouted at the screen.

Allison mimicked throwing some popcorn at the screen. "Hey, is this whole mission us just sitting here and talking through the text? 'Cause that's going to get kind of dull."

"Careful of the Ironic Overpowers."

"They already got me once today. I don't think-" Allison slapped a hand over her mouth. She gave Steve a shocked look. "I've done it, haven't I? I've challenged them."

"I'm afraid you have."

"I'm sorry." Allison grinned apologetically.

"Well, we'll just have to make the most of a bad situation." Steve patted his partner on the shoulder. She nodded in reply.

The text on the screen said that the Sue had a serious crush on an actor her own age, to the point where she was all but stalking him, and that her best friend in school was a boy, with a serious crush on her, who had shown her around on the first day in school.

Steve chuckled. "That job usually befalls the class dork. So I guess our Sue at least isn't very popular in school."

"I'm guessing you missed a spot." Allison turned Steve's head to the Words that described the Sue's position in school.

_Amy did well at school, being pretty and athletic and smart. She made friends easily, and was quickly elected captain of the cheerleading squad. She ran track in the spring besides, and made good grades._

"Oh hell. She's smart and popular and friends with the class dork and a cheerleader and an athlete. Does it say anywhere that she has superhealing abilities and a boyfriend who can fly?"

Allison frowned at her partner. "What? You think she's not special enough the way she is?"

Steve stuck out his tongue. "I hate her more than all the cheerleaders and jocks in my old school put together."

"High school trauma? Were you the class dork?"

"No, I'd like to think myself a little above that in the high school pecking order. I got to be a lot above that when I picked up archery." Steve padded the case that held his crossbow lovingly.

_The third, and most unusual relationship was that Amy (unwillingly) had with Murdoc. Murdoc was in love with the daughter of his worst enemy. He had first seen her while plotting his attempt to kill MacGyver in 1987._

"What?!" Allison screamed. Her bottom lip quivered. "Murdoc is not a cradle robber. How old was she in '87? Thirteen, fourteen? Even if she had been an adult I doubt she would have been his type. He seemed to have taken quite a fancy to Penny Parker and she's nothing like Penny."

Steve opened his mouth to add something, but was cut off by Allison ranting on.

"He would use her, but not because he wants to get into a teenager's panties. He'd use her to get to MacGyver. He'd probably hate her by association."

The text stopped rolling on the screen. The last line announced the episode _Halloween Knights_. The screen moved up. The agents watched it go and then got up from their seats.

"I guess now is when the action starts."

Around them the marina started taking shape. The Sue passed Allison and Steve without taking much notice.

_Her gym bag was over her left shoulder, and it slid forward, cramming against her as she unlocked the door and reached for the mail at the same time. There was a pile of mail on the kitchen counter from yesterday: the cleaning lady had brought it in. Amy glanced through the magazines and letters, opened the door without looking up again, and walked into the boathouse._

"I couldn't see from this angle, but did she just grab the mail from the kitchen counter from the door?"

"That's what it looked like. It seems our Sue has special powers. I knew it."

"And she's not the only one." Allison nodded to the Words.

_Murdoc materialized in the closet._

Murdoc grabbed the Sue, but she managed to take him off balance. They both fell to the floor. The Sue made a somersault to get away from him. Murdoc grabbed her leg and pulled her towards him. To Murdoc's surprise she did not scream, but she kept kicking him. He managed to hold her down with his knee and tie her up at the same time.

Then Murdoc finished what he had come to do, which was pack up all Mac's belongings. To the Sue's surprise -- and that off the PPC agents who were standing right outside the houseboat -- he even moved the couch on his own. The last thing the took with him was the Sue wrapped up in a blanket.

Outside the PPC agents got the scare of their lives when out of nowhere a voice boomed: "Wilt Bozer?" The agents hit the deck and covered their heads.

Murdoc waved at the neighbour, shoved the Sue in the cab of the moving van and drove off.

"What was that?" Allison propped herself up and looked at the Words.

"It- it sounded like an author's note in the middle of the text."

"I guess you're right. That must have been it. I've heard about these, but I've never actually experienced one. They're not nice." Allison scrambled up.

Steve followed her example. "The author probably didn't know which brother it was that lived next to Mac. Can't really blame her. Half the time the Internet is wrong about it too."

"It's Milt, isn't it? MacGyver's never actually met the other one has he?"

"He must have; he dreamed about him once."

"Maybe he'd heard the name and just tacked it on a face in his dream."

"Possible." Steve shrugged. "Ours is not to question canon. Ours is to question the fanfic that tries to rip off the canon."

Unlike in the (canon) episode, Milt Bozer was not physically assaulting his engine thus prompting Mac for a talk when he was on his way to his houseboat. He was puzzled by the Sue's car in the parking lot while at the same time the locked door indicated that she was absent. He looked through he door and saw his living room was stripped of its furniture.

_Mac pieced things together as he ran around the house. By the time he found the (_name of the hangar? What clued him off? I don't have this episode,_) which seemed to confirm Jack's involvement, he was sure this was a Halloween prank, or one of Jack's schemes._

The agents hit the deck again as another author's note boomed through the air. They recovered a little quicker this time.

"Maybe you shouldn't write about it if you don't know all the details," Allison bit at some point above her.

"And it's not that hard to make up," Steve added. He rubbed his knee. His second contact with the deck had been a little bit unfortunate. "At least not in this case. Mac thinks Jack has stolen all his furniture again. So he goes to the air strip where Jack usually hangs out to confront him and get his stuff back."

"This explains though why the Sue recognizes Murdoc, but wasn't surprised he had dressed himself to look like Jack Dalton from a passing glance."

"Here Murdoc did not look like Jack. He didn't have his moustache and he still had his scar."

"Exactly. The author forgot about two key details of the episode. Thus making it impossible for the Sue to take note of the obvious."

-oOo-

The agents took a portal to join Mac at the hangar. His stuff was spread around a truck inside the hangar. Mac looked around for clues, but found nothing.

'That's not like Murdoc at all."

"The Sue's making him sloppy."

_At the (_funeral home/tomb/check on this_,) he fell through the trap door after staring at the small Jack O'Lantern flickering eerily in the casket. He landed hard in the cage underneath._

The agents fell on the floor right next to him. Puzzled they looked around.

"How did we get from the hangar to here?"

"Same way Mac did."

"MacGyver's supposed to follow a bunch of clues to get to the funeral home. Not just jump from one place to the next. Particularly not without so much as a scene break. I hurt my ankle. We should get danger money for this job."

Steve raised his eyebrows at the speed at which Allison rattled of these comments.

Mac demanded to know where the Sue was and Murdoc pulled her from a closet. That's where the scene ended and the scenery changed back to its original empty hangar lay-out. The voice-over informed the agents that this was where the Sue's significant role in the story ended, but that more might be written if the author ever got hold of the episode.

"No, author, that's where you're wrong," Allison shouted back in the direction the voice had come from. "Placing a third person in the scene is going to change the dialogue between MacGyver and Murdoc. It is now going to be more of a 'your daughter for my sister' kind of conversation, where before Murdoc could play on MacGyver's sympathy. I doubt that is going to work much after he has kidnapped MacGyver's daughter."

The screen rolled down again and announced the episode _Stricktly Business_.

"For some reason the Sue just wants to wriggle herself into the Murdoc episodes."

Allison grimaced. "Let there not be any mistake who's trying to get inside whose panties."

The marina formed itself around the two agents again. They saw Mac and the Sue enter the houseboat. The scene in Mac's living room started out as it had in the episode, but soon changed when Murdoc caught sight of the Sue.

_"And helLO, Amy, dear, how are you?" A clicking bang came from under the table. Amy, nerves on edge, reacted, but not fast enough, and the dart hit her in the neck. Murdoc had aimed for her middle._

"I don't think that either Murdoc's aim is that off or her reflexes that quick," Steve said. "How fast do you think that dart travelled? And it only had to travel a dozen or so feet. Less even. It could have done that in less than a second."

Allison looked at her partner. "You're talking to the wrong girl. I'm not a mathematical genius."

Mac grabbed the Sue who passed out. He yelled at Murdoc to find out what he had done.

_"Calm down, MacGyver, it's only a tranquilizer," Murdoc said, a little contemptuously._

Murdoc told him the Sue would wake up fine in the morning and Mac placed her on the couch. Then he returned to Murdoc to continue the conversation they had in canon. The voice-over -- startling the agents again -- announced to only record instances of conversation that were actually different from the episode.

"When is this Sue going to realize that a third in the room brings different dynamic to the conversation? MacGyver is not going to react the same way to Murdoc with an unconscious Sue on the sofa."

"He might. If the Suefluence only works while she is conscious."

Allison frowned at her partner. "Interesting theory, but I think empirical research has already proven it to be false."

Mac rushed past the two agents with the Sue in his arms. He took her to ER and then had a hell of a time getting her back.

"I guess he didn't take Murdoc's word for it that she'd be fine," Steve said.

"I wonder why. I mean, Murdoc is a man of his word. If he says he's going to kill you he will, or die trying."

In the morning the Sue woke up with a buzz in her head and Mac told her what had happened. The Sue asked what they were going to do and Mac replied he didn't know. That's when the voice-over spoke up again.

_(In another story of mine, one I am still completing, a similar situation arose. MacGyver chose to take the obvious route: to leave Amy with bodyguards and try to take care of Murdoc by himself, away from her and other people. This did not work out too well, as Murdoc took this personally, as a challenge. He killed all five guards in cold blood, just to show that if he wanted Amy, he could have her. Of course, Mac and Amy came out all right in the end, but this explains why Mac isn't going for this seemingly more sensible option this time.) _

"Yes, because MacGyver has that kind of foresight." Allison rolled her eyes.

"Uh, no. I think she means a story that is supposed to happen before this one."

"Huh, this one starts even before the Sue is born. How can a story with the two of them be put before this one?"

"I guess it's supposed to be inserted somewhere in this story."

_"Amy, the way I see it we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. If you would feel safer with guards, I'll get them--," (it had hurt him to say that, she knew. She thought of Lee's (_one of the guards Murdoc killed that other time_) face, of how he had looked as he died, and shivered, closing her eyes.)_

"Author, if you have to leave readers notes like that, you're doing it wrong," Allison shouted towards the voice-over.

"Yeah, either write the story, or some narrative to summarize the story. Do not, under any circumstances, address the reader directly."

"Readers should only be addressed via the narrative."

"If you can't do it via the narrative something is wrong in the story."

"I already said that."

"It deserves repeating."

The Sue convinced Mac to take her with her. Mac agreed.

"Time to take a portal to that mountain where Murdoc confronts Mac."

Allison nodded in response.

-oOo-

The agents stepped back into the scene right when Murdoc was about to fire a portable rocket launcher at Mac and the Sue. Allison and Steve dove out of the way. The projectile whizzed past them and hit the car full on.

Mac and the Sue got out of the car in time. The Sue was hit in the head by the car door and the exploding car knocked her over the guardrail. Mac hit his face against the door frame as the car exploded. He stumbled over the guardrail and down the embankment.

The agents looked up.

"Note how the Sue got injured in similar fashion as MacGyver," Allison said.

"I think that's pushing it."

Making use of the Sue's unconscious state the agents stepped over the guardrail and skidded down the bank.

Murdoc found the Sue and checked her for injuries. The agents gave him puzzled looks and tried to figure out what the was doing. Asking him was for obvious reasons out of the question. And Allison complained again that such things should be explained in the narrative. Murdoc began to tie up the Sue and suddenly the two agents were jolted to the entrance of the old mine. Allison fell to her knees; Steve managed to stay on his feet with a little help from a beam holding up the ceiling of the mine.

"We discussed scene breaks already, didn't we?" Allison got up and dusted herself off. She went through her pockets and pulled the Fic Location Follower out of one of them. "There, it had set itself to random. We should be all right now." She switched the FLF to manual and returned it to her pocket.

Murdoc, with the Sue over his shoulder, reached the mine. He noticed Mac had left some blood on the sign by the entrance. He went into the mine, but left the Sue slumped outside. She regained consciousness and Steve and Allison quickly stepped into the mine and out of her line of sight. They heard the Sue throw up. Murdoc came back out of the mine to drag the Sue into it. He tied her to a support beam. He told her he'd be out, but that she shouldn't make too much of a fuss or the cave would collapse on top of her.

When he went out so did the lights. There wasn't even daylight coming into the mine from the entrance. Steve pulled a small flashlight from his pocket and found that didn't work either.

"I had just replaced the batteries in this thing. How can it be dead already?"

Allison suggested him to look in the distance where the Words dimly lit up in the dark.

_Her heavy head bobbed and all the light went out of the world._

"Of course **now** the fic decides to take metaphor literally," Steve grumbled.

"I thought badfic always took metaphor literally."

"I suppose you are right."

The voice-over announced it was skipping ahead a large chunk of the episode.

"Which is not interesting because the Sue is not in it," Allison added.

_Murdoc pushed the camp lady in front of him into the mine._

"She has a name, you know," Steve said. "I forgot what it was for a moment, but I'm sure she had one."

"Walker, Suzanne Walker," Allison supplied.

Murdoc set to work on his trap. The voice-over announced another skipping ahead and the lights went back on. Blinking against the sudden brightness the agents looked at each other.

"I believe the lights went on in the mine when Mac reached it in the episode," Steve said.

"And because it's implied that what isn't mentioned happens the same as in the episode the lights are turned back on." Allison smiled. "You've got to love how canon keeps trying to override badfic."

"And my flashlight is working again too." Steve flashed it at his partner. He quickly turned it off and into his pocket when her smile started to turn upside down.

Mac having gotten past Murdoc's trap tried to stop the fuse Murdoc had started as well. His action, however, caused another fuse to get started, followed by a small explosion which blew away the support from a small platform. The Sue rolled off the platform into Mac's instinctively held out arms.

_Her clothes were ripped through and she was absolutely covered with blood. Murdoc had slashed her in several places on each limb, on her back, and on her torso._

"If Murdoc was in love with this girl I doubt that's the way he would show it."

"Well, he is a psychopath."

"I'm sure there's a large spectrum of psychopaths ranging from mad geniuses who set up complex traps for their prey, to madmen who slash up their lovers. Murdoc more likely belongs to the former category than the latter."

Catching the Sue and seeing a sign with his name on it brought back Mac's memory. Murdoc stepped back into the scene. He and Mac got involved in a fist-fight and though Mac kept looking at the Sue the fight went as well for him as it did in canon, better as Suzanne Walker didn't need to kick in. Murdoc eventually went down the elevator shaft and Mac fell to his knees by the side of the Sue. He told the woman to go back to camp and bring the police to the mine.

She was still shaking like a leaf and did not see a way out.

_"Go, quick!" he said, without sympathy, to the woman, helping her through and watching her stumble out into the day._

"Very unlike Mac. He'd be sympathetic to a woman that has just been through her kind of ordeal, and understanding that she can't think on her feet yet."

"We already had out of character behaviour. Just check your notes."

"I didn't take notes. I thought you took notes."

"I didn't take notes either. I think we should talk some time about our distribution of tasks."

"Yah. Let's deal with the matter at hand first."

Mac took off his shirt and started making bandages out of his undershirt. Allison and Steve stepped out of the shadows.

"Is she conscious?"

No response. The agents looked at each other.

"I guess she isn't."

"That means we'll have to go to hospital to charge her." Steve pulled the remote activator from his shirt pocket.

-oOo-

_She woke up with a jerk, much later. Her eyes flew open and her mind screamed, "Murdoc!" She lunged upright in the hospital bed._

The agents stood on either side of her bed and grinned at her.

"Nice to see you're finally up."

"Who are you?"

"Allison Carter, Steve Holmes. We're here to charge you today. We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum."

"Protectors of the- What's that?"

"What it says on the tin really: we protect the plot continuum. And you've been screwing with the plot continuum so you and we need to have a little chat."

"She means we have to charge you."

"What?" The Sue looked from one to the other.

"I love it when they spent most of their time tied up or unconscious. That means they don't have enough personality in them to argue with us." Allison grinned. She cleared her throat before she started charging. "Amanda Courtney Branson, Amy for short. First off, could you explain why despite your mother being a francophile there is not one bit about your name that is French?"

The Sue frowned at Allison.

"I guess that's a no. Never mind. Amy, we charge you with being a Mary Sue. You are the uncanonical niece and adopted daughter of a canon character. You shoe horn your way into MacGyver's life and instantly change his character. If Mac were to take full-time responsibility for a minor he would change his job. At the very least to something that was closer to home, and definitely something that was less likely to get him killed."

"We charge you with writing yourself into two episodes, but not carrying it through past the point where you are in the scenes. We charge you with ignoring the fact that an additional person in the scene changes the dynamic that is present. Particularly, if that additional person is supposed to be the daughter of one of the other people and she is unconscious or tied up."

"Yeah, and MacGyver changing his job would probably still mean that Murdoc would come after him. As long as the 1980 events from _Partners_ happened, Murdoc has a grudge." Allison nodded. "We charge you with giving Murdoc the power of materialization, and we charge you with making him fall in love with you. That's just ..." Allison shook her head in disgust. "And he didn't show it very much, did he?"

"He's a psychopath. He doesn't know how to show love," the Sue finally burst out.

Steve made a buzzing sound. "Psychopaths don't fall in love. They fall into obsession. You said he fell in love. You raised an expectation in us. We want you to show us how his love or obsession for you worked."

"By making me part of his traps for MacGyver?"

"No, that's not it. You were part of the traps because you just happened to stumble into the place when he was busy setting a trap for MacGyver. Murdoc's obsession is with MacGyver, not with you."

The Sue started to pout.

"Further we charge you with bad use of scene breaks and using author's notes instead of narrative to explain time skips. That's it, I think. Allison?"

"Uh, we charge you with calling MacGyver's houseboat a boathouse. The former is a boat that is a house, the latter a house for a boat. I'm sure there was more, but can't remember for the moment. You're lucky neither of us wrote down the charges, they could have been more sever. Amy, you've been charged. Do you understand these charges?"

"No, and I think it's ridiculous that you are charging me." The Sue started to look around the bed for the panic button.

"Ridiculous to you, highly necessary to us. See, we have to charge you before we can sentence you to death."

"What?" The Sue looked at Allison in shock.

Steve raised his crossbow and shot an arrow through the Sue's head at close range. He let out a sigh of satisfaction.

"Right. That's done. And we can get back to the office just in time for our next mission."

Steve frowned at her. "Are you testing the Ironic Overpowers."

"Ssh. Don't want them to catch on."

-oOo-

_A/N: Adding an OC to canon scenes is a rather common occurrence in fanfiction. What is important to remember is that an additional person in a scene changes the dynamic. Murdoc and MacGyver would have a very different talk if Murdoc had just threatened the life of Mac's daughter, or anyone for that matter. I'm not saying it can't be done. But to do it right, the OC will have to have more of an impact on the scene than a dress-up dummy would have.  
Author's notes in the middle of text are bad form. Only you and your beta reader should see these little notes. The rest of us should not be made aware there is actually an author behind a story._


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